back in Mombasa and other pertinent tidbits

We got back to Mombasa late Tuesday night, after a sad goodbye to Lamu and a horribly delayed flight out. I miss Lamu a lot and I'm currently trying to figure out how to go back there for my independent study project, which will hopefully be on children's songs in swahili culture. Also, sorry about the atrocious capitalization in this post. the shift key only works about half the time, but hey, internet is way cheaper here than it is on Lamu. it's also faster, since my host sister is studying IT in college and she told me where the best internet cafe is.

During our last week on Lamu, we had a men's panel and a women's panel discussion. the men's panel was before the women's so that, as our academic director told us, the men could say things and then the women could tell us the truth about them. And he's obviously done this many times before, because it was so true. The men made comments like, "only the woman has to be a virgin at marriage because it is the man's role to be the discoverer. The woman is the recipient." so who, we inquired, do the men sleep with, if all the Muslim girls are virgins? "Kikuyus," they told us. "And Bajunis." (Bajuni is the Swahili name for Somali immigrants) There was an older, formidable man whom everyone referred to as "chairman" who shut them all down; "The Quran says that both the man and the woman must be virgins at marriage," he said. None of the other men on the panel had a response.

There were various other notable comments over the course of the panel; "You wouldn't want a secondhand car, right? You want a new one. So you want to marry a virgin" and "Men are like frogs. they have to kiss many frogs before they find the right one." We all came out of the panel somewhat disgusted by the general attitude towards women that these men had. If that was the lot of women in this society, we wanted none of it.

The women's panel, however, was completely and totally different. The women were animated and lively and laughed all the time. Instead of justifying everything with the Quran, they explained polygamy in a more rational way; "No woman likes it," they said, "but sometimes it's necessary." If a woman is barren, the husband still wants children, so he can keep her as his wife and marry another one. If a man is a merchant and spends half of the year in another port on the Indian Ocean, he can take a wife in both his home and the other port so that he has family in each place. There was another good reason which I don't remember, which totally undercuts my story...but the thing the women stressed is that above all the man must be able to support each of his wives equally, economically, socially and biologically. It was obvious that while the men had not questioned many of these things, the women had--they had logical answers and explanations using modern society rather than the teachings of the Quran. And while there are still blatant injustices in the system, I think we all came out of the panel with the resolve to listen and try to understand more and judge less. The women on the panel were well-educated and strong, and it was very good to see that.

I also realized how lucky I am to be a woman studying here. As women students, we get to see the women's society, which is more hidden than the men's and, in my opinion, far more interesting. Spending time with our tutors in Lamu, we got access to a strong community of women who basically run their families, although in theory the man is the head of household. The man, in Swahili culture, has very little access to his own house. He provides economically, but traditionally when he comes home he either greets visitors on the benches outside of every house or goes to his bedroom. The house is the woman's territory, and she controls everything going on within it. Of course, traditions like that aren't always upheld; men and women eat together and watch TV together now, and houses are arranged to allow for more common space. Still, the general power structures in the household are upheld. Thus, while the guys in our group were wandering around Lamu meeting many, many different people each day with their tutors and breaking fast on the seafront, the girls were sitting in the kitchen in front of the jiko (charcoal stove) and talking to their tutors about anything and everything, learning about polygamy and secret dating and abortions and scandals and, of course, cooking. So take your pick...but I think we got the more interesting side of things.

There's so much more I could, and should, say about Lamu. Due to time constraints and independent study project proposals, however, I think I'm going to have to leave it here.